


Finding Peace In You

by DestielHardcoreLove, Swlfangirl



Series: Cleaning Out the Que [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/F, Getting Back Together, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Soldier Benny, soldier cain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-11 13:18:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19538671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swlfangirl/pseuds/Swlfangirl
Summary: Benny could remember a time when things were amazing between him and his boyfriend Cain.  They had a life and plans for the future.  Then everything went to hell with a blast that took out most of their unit and left Cain unable to walk for the rest of his life.  Now their days were filled with resentment and fights, pushing Benny further and further away.





	Finding Peace In You

* * *

Cain looked down at his useless limbs and cursed.

The alcohol was warm in his stomach and heavy on his breath. 

For a moment, a very dark moment, he wished he could switch places with one of his brothers so that his injuries, his scars would visible beyond the goddamn wheelchair. A small piece of metal embedded in his spine and that was it, life as he knew it was over. He’d made peace with the idea that he might not come back alright, but nothing could have prepared him for what happened. 

He wheeled into the kitchen, tears stinging his eyes as he dug in the drawers trying to find a knife,  _ anything  _ to help him make the scars show.

He found a small paring knife and dug it into his leg until his grey sweatpants were bloodsoaked and shredded. 

Benny walked into the house as quietly as he could. His boyfriend Cain had been on edge the last few days and any sudden noise would send the man into a fit. He wanted to call out, to let the other man know he was home but again, he didn't want to startle him. Either way, Benny was going to end up failing in that regard.

He froze as a sob broke out through their small house and Benny hurried to where the noise came from. The sight before him was straight from some kind of horror movie and his brain malfunctioned with the effort to even begin understanding it.

The empty whiskey bottle was on the floor along with a growing pool of blood that was dripping down his boyfriend’s hands and legs. 

“Fuck, Cain…” Benny hissed, rushing forward to snatch at the knife. He didn’t care that his own hand got sliced in the process but he wrestled with the man until he got it out of his fingers and threw it into the sink.

“Why...baby why did you do this?” Benny begged trying to cup Cain’s face but got slapped for his efforts.

“I need to see it, don’t you get that?” Cain said, shoving Benny away. “I  _ need  _ to see the scars.” 

Benny swallowed down the overwhelming need to scream and somehow got Cain into his truck. Cain cussed him out, hit him over and over again the entire way there, screaming that he didn’t need to go to the damn hospital. Benny did his best to ignore him, just wanting to get the man he loved some fucking help. He ignored the new rush of insults from Cain as he manhandled him out of the truck and into his wheelchair.

“I didn’t ask you to fucking save me then and I’m not asking now either. If you’ve got a hero kink you can take it and give it to somebody else,  _ anybody else _ ,” Cain yelled, trying to pull the manual lock on the door out of it’s hole, but his balance wasn’t great and his fingers kept slipping off of the small nub. “Just go fuck somebody else, I’m not-I’m not giving you anything any more why do you stick around Benny? Must be a fucking idiot.” 

It didn’t matter how many times he told himself that Cain was just angry, that he was taking it out on Benny because he was simply there...it still felt as if he was getting punched in the gut each time. The doctors met them in the entrance and Benny stood there watching as they wheeled a still shouting Cain down the hall.

* * *

  
  


It had been three days since he’d spoken, the monotony of his life became a quiet cycle of a hundred different versions of rinse/repeat. 

Cain got up every morning to breakfast before Benny went into work. He sat in his chair and stared at the wall until Benny came home at lunch. They ate whatever it was Benny decided to make that day, not that he complained; It all tasted the same anyway, like bland cardboard most days and desert sand the others. Then he stared at the wall or the tv on the few occasions Benny left it on for him and waited some more. 

Once Benny was off work, he’d make food again and they’d eat again and then Benny would take Cain for his nightly bath. He’d lower him into the water, always the perfect temperature, not too hot or too cold, and then he’d sit beside him. Cain did, on occasion, bathe himself because it saved time but for the most part, he just stared at the bathroom tile and waited some more. 

Then Benny put him to bed and it all started over again the next day. 

Benny scooped out the omelets for that morning’s breakfast and placed the plate in front of Cain who was busy staring a hole into the wall. 

“You want some milk or juice?”

There was a grunt and Benny nodded, “Juice then,” he said and poured some into two cups, “Did you sleep okay last night?”

A deep sigh.

“Me neither, I think I need to fix the heater again. Been making that weird noise,” Benny said with a shrug. The nonverbal responses he got from Cain he was pretty much used to by now. Some small part of him wanted to give up, to just let Cain wallow in his own brain but he just couldn’t. Though times were pretty damn dark for them at present, Benny still loved him. 

“C’mon babe, eat your breakfast. Do you want me to cut it?” he asked softly.

A loud smash echoed through the room as Cain’s plate slammed hard against the floor. White hot anger filled him up and he growled out his frustration. He’d not seen a knife in weeks, Benny had hidden them all from him and now he was being treated like a goddamn infant who couldn’t cut his own damn food. 

Benny stared at the broken porcelain and destroyed food all over the floor. His heart sunk and he took in a slow breath to keep his own anger from rising. Slowly he got up from the table to retrieve the broom. He cleaned up the mess without saying a word and returned back to his own breakfast, pointedly ignoring Cain’s stare.

Cain let out a grunt but he was able to grab onto the wheels of his chair and turn himself toward the living room. He couldn’t see into it, not really, there was a half wall separating the two rooms but it was a better view than the emotionless stare from the man who felt obligated to take care of his useless, pathetic ass.

Benny lifted his eyes from the plate to stare at the back of Cain’s head and shook his own. He was so tired. It was selfish of him to miss the old Cain but on days like this one, he really did. 

He sat there for a few minutes after he was finished and finally got up to place his dishes into the sink. There were a few minutes of debating himself whether or not he should push Cain into the next room or just leave him right where he was. 

Benny dragged a hand down his face and went over to the chair, grabbing at the handles to begin maneuvering him into the family room. He turned the tv on and set it within reach of Cain’s hand and left to get ready for work.

It only took a few minutes but it felt like hours by the time he made it out of their bedroom and back where Cain sat, staring at the tv. Benny wanted so badly to go over, kiss him and just beg him to talk but it wouldn’t go well. He’d tried that before.

Instead, Benny let out a long breath and grabbed up his keys, “I’ll see you later,” he called out.

“I hate you,” Cain answered, as he continued to stare at the flickering screen. 

* * *

Benny slowly woke up, his brain sluggish to the morning light peering into their bedroom. He was warmer than usual. The moment he about kicked the blankets off was when he felt something brush down his stomach. 

That definitely woke him up. He blinked his eyes open and glanced down. Cain’s arm was around him and the more focused he could feel the warm breath brushing along his shoulder. Benny squeezed his eyes shut as his heart squeezed painfully. This was the first time he’d woken up like this after bringing Cain home the first time from the hospital. Benny wanted so badly to melt back in the touch, to roll over and pull Cain to him, cling to the other man before the spell broke. He was scared though, that he if he moved it would ruin everything. So he remained still, relishing in the fact that Cain initiated this small amount of affection.

It was a dark, but peaceful sleep that Cain woke from. He kissed softly at Benny’s shoulder and smiled, a chuckle falling from his lips. His voice was a bit rough from sleep but he managed to get his thought out, “How is it that you’ve not been on a boat in years but you still taste like the ocean?” 

Benny’s breath stuttered out of him as he fought back the tears that wanted to spill over. He swallowed hard, hiding it with a soft laugh of his own, “Too many years swimming in that ocean and getting pushed off the boat by a certain person,” Benny whispered, clutching at Cain’s hand since the man wasn’t making any move to pull away.

“Mmm, maybe,” he agreed, pulling a little bit of that salty skin between his lips. “Can’t blame me though.” 

Benny shuddered a little, “Why not?” 

“You look  _ really _ good wet,” Cain laughed, the warmth of it filling the small space between them easily. He smiled against Benny’s skin and breathed him in. “I swear you could take out a whole flock of supermodels in a wet t-shirt contest.” 

Benny snorted, “Mmhmm, sure. You’re just being biased,” he said, letting his body relax into the soft touches. Fuck he had missed this, his body and soul craving for any kind of intimacy between them. He fought off the lump in his throat again and forced his brain to turn off for just small while so he could relish in it.

“Not even a little,” Cain answered, squeezing tighter around Benny’s waist. 

A memory replayed in his mind and warmth flooded to his chest. “Do you remember that time we were sitting on the dock and that big party boat came rolling by?” he asked, waiting for the slight mmmhmm from Benny.

“Those girls were so pissed when you finally laid it out for them. They’d damn near gotten naked for you right there but you just kept saying no, thank you ma’am, no thank you, ma’am.” Cain smiled and laughed. “I remember sitting there thinking you were going to leave with them and how relieved I was when you turned her down. Caught me completely off guard when you kissed me.”

“None of those broads could hold a candle to you baby,” Benny laughed softly, daring just a little bit to grab at Cain’s hand and kiss his fingers. If this was only going to last for just a few minutes or hours, he was going to soak as much of this in like a damn sponge.

“You’ve always thought that, and you’ve always been wrong,” he answered, his chuckle dying off a bit as reality smacked into him. Then softly he added, “Ben you deserve someone better.” 

“But I think for today at least, I’ll just have to be grateful for what I have until you decide to smarten up.” 

Benny’s face scrunched up with pain and he shook his head almost violently as he rolled over, hovering over Cain to cup the side of his face, “I’ll always only ever want you Cain,” he whispered and leaned in for a kiss. He was trembling and there was nothing he could do to stop it except for hold onto Cain for dear life as they shared soft kisses.

Cain didn’t argue, mostly because Benny’s warm mouth and skilled tongue kept him from it. Though there was something about the moment they shared, something in those bright blue eyes that made him believe, even if only for a moment, that he was still loved, still cherished.

* * *

  
  


That happy morning had only lasted that day. It was as if the moment they left the bed, the spell broke and everything turned upside down. All the bad things that had happened seemed to magnify, continuingly growing worse with each day that passed. Benny was actually dreading his day off. Cain was the worst on those days and no matter how hard Benny tried, he always came out of it a little bruised. Both physically and mentally. 

Sometimes Benny wondered if Cain actually did hate him. For being one of the only ones from their unit to survive the blast unharmed. To walk away with only a scratch. So many of their brothers had been lost that day while Cain and a handful of others came out maimed in some way or another. It was horrible, a nightmare that played in Benny’s mind over and over again. The smells, the cries, the  _ screams _ as Benny had crawled over all of them to get to Cain. Picking him up and cradling him to his chest because for one horrifying moment, Benny thought the love of his life was dead.

He’d picked Cain up and ran towards the evac team the second he realized Cain still had a heartbeat. And Cain blamed him for that. Resented him for even breathing. Days like today tested him, pushing him to the tipping point of whether he was going to finally call it quits or...something. He wasn’t sure. But it wouldn’t end pretty. 

Benny grabbed up his jacket and trudged into the house, his body tensing at the mess he walked into. The floor was littered with books, magazines, ripped paper. The remote was sticking out of the tv screen and Benny began to shake with anger. These were just things of course but Benny had scraped every nickel and dime to buy Cain that fucking TV. And it wasn’t just Cain’s shit all over the place, Benny’s stuff was laying there as well. Broken into a thousand pieces or torn to shreds. 

“Fuck...no,” Benny gasped when he saw his grandparents wedding photo on the floor, the frame his granddad had made himself completely smashed. He picked it up with shaky hands and bit back a sob. There was a crash from the bedroom and Benny snapped. He placed the frame on a shelf and stormed into their room to find Cain breaking everything in his sight.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Benny roared.

“Well well, look who’s home,” Cain grumbled, taking another drink from the bottle in his hand. Benny had gotten rid of everything in the house but Cain had called pizza delivery place until he’d found one willing to bring him something. “Finally get yourself a piece of ass this time? God knows you fucking need it.” 

“S’not like you’re getting it from me,” he said with a dark laugh. 

Benny stared down at the man he tried to convince himself that he still loved. That somehow they could get through this together and come through the other side stronger. Nothing worked, nothing was helping. Not even the therapy sessions Cain grudgingly went to. 

“I can't change what happened. If I could go back and get shot I would if it meant you wouldn't hate me so Goddamn much,” Benny hissed.

The bottle hung loosely in his hand but Cain tightened his grip on it. “You think  _ that’s _ what this is about?” he asked, his head swaying slowly as he tried to lift it up, to look Benny in the eye. 

“Why couldn’t you just leave me? Why did you have to play hero, huh? I should have never left that goddamned place. I would have rather died a thousand times than to come back here and be  _ this _ !” he yelled, throwing the bottle in his hand until it smashed against the wall and spilled out what little remained.

“Because I loved you! I couldn’t just leave you there to rot! Do you really think I could live with myself knowing that you were still alive and just...leave? Maybe it was selfish but I couldn’t Cain. I’m sorry that it turned out like this, I had no way in knowing you were that injured. All I cared about was that you had a fucking pulse,” Benny growled out.

“I-I can’t do this anymore.”

“Go then, I don’t fucking  _ need _ you, I don’t need anyone!!” Cain yelled, spinning the wheels of his chair forward until he knocked himself into the table. He jerked around in an effort to change direction but he couldn’t so he just stopped. 

Everything inside hurt, his heart splintering off into a thousand pieces. Before he could truly crumble he helped Cain get unstuck, ignoring the way the man cursed and hit at him. It was the last time. He ached to touch him, to beg for things to be different but he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed at his keys and walked out the door.

“Stay gone,” he mumbled to himself, pulling his hand up to take a drink from a bottle that wasn’t there anymore.

“Fuck.” 

* * *

Cain sobered up quickly, well after he passed out and woke up some unknown amount of hours later. It was dark outside and Benny wasn’t home and he frowned at that for a moment until it all came flooding back.

_ “Because I loved you, I couldn’t just leave you there to rot.” _

_ “I can’t do this anymore.” _

_ “Go then, I don’t fucking need you, I don’t need anyone!”  _

He was going to be sick. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to make it to the bathroom but he was able to reach for the garbage can and thankfully stop himself from making an even bigger mess. 

Benny was gone...he was really gone. 

Cain openly sobbed until everything went numb. 

He waited.

He straightened up what he could of the mess and pushed himself into the kitchen for food when he absolutely needed it but other than that, he just waited. 

Benny would come back...wouldn’t he?

Three days after Benny walked out, Cain left him a voicemail. 

_ “Hey, it’s me. I-I’m not calling to beg you back or to hurt you more I just want to say that I’m sorry _ _...I’m sorry and I’m going to get better, I’ll do it for you...even if you’re not here to see it. Bye.” _

Hours turned into days and days into weeks and the hope he was holding in his chest grew more and more distant. He’d managed to hire a cleaning crew over the phone, with instructions on what they needed to keep and what they could get rid of. He did hide out in his room until they finished, but he got it done.

Next, he hired a nurse, feeling like he was about ten inches tall when she showed up and her nose wrinkled at his smell. He’d done what he could to wash off but the last thing he wanted to attempt was getting into the tub naked, his luck he’d wind up stuck there. 

She righted him quickly, though he did have to fight with her not to shave his beard. He wanted it,  _ needed it _ , so that he looked like someone else the few times he’d catch a glimpse of his reflection. 

Soon, the house was fixed and he was clean, and months had passed and Benny still hadn’t come home. 

He was six months sober when he made the next call.

_ “Hey guys, this is Benny. Can't come to the phone right now ~girlish laugh in the background and then Benny chuckling~. You know what to do.” _

* * *

Benny smiled brightly as Amara danced around the kitchen in one of his shirts that hit her at mid-thigh and the bright blue panties hiding underneath. It was such a beautiful sight his chest hurt watching it. 

There was a lull in the song and Benny took his chance, moving up behind her to wrap his arms around her slender waist, swaying them to the beat.

“Mornin baby,” Benny whispered.

“It’s about time you woke up,” she teased, as she reached for the spatula to hand it over. “Maybe breakfast will be edible if you take over  _ right now _ .” 

Benny barked out a laugh as he kissed her cheek, “Somehow I’m beginning to think this is your ploy to get me to make you breakfast,” he said taking the spatula and quickly getting to work in saving the Omelette Amara was trying to make.

“Well you know I’m not one to turn down a free meal,” she teased. “But seriously, I don't cook nearly as well as you do so I was hoping to save both of us from having to suffer.” 

“You’d thank me if you knew what was good for you,” Amara said with a laugh, hopping up onto the counter beside him. 

“I’m pretty sure I thanked you already. Hell, a few times last night, then again this morning,” Benny smirked eyeing Amara’s long legs dangling from the counter. He was so glad they were finally at this point. Their friendship had been rocky at first, mostly Amara trying her hardest to not let Benny drown himself in booze. Why she latched onto him so quickly still baffled him but she did. If it wasn’t for her, Benny had no idea where the hell he would be.

“Well, you’re  _ very _ polite, one of the many things I love about you Benjamin Lafitte,” she answered, feeling a buzz against her thigh. It confused her for a moment because Amara knew that her own phone was still in the bedroom somewhere but she realized a second later that Benny must have left his in the kitchen. “You’ve got a missed call, annnd a voicemail. Want me to play it for you?” 

“Sure yeah,” Benny said with a shrug. He had absolutely nothing to hide from Amara. Hell, she’d seen him at his lowest and still deemed him worth being with. He was a damn lucky man. Glancing over he smiled a little as she punched in his code.

Amara pulled up the voicemail and tapped play, putting the phone to Benny’s ear for him. 

“Hey, it’s me...I’m not, I don’t mean to bother you, I just wanted to let you know I’m doing okay. In case you were worried. Ah, hell who am I kidding, you’re probably- well it doesn’t matter. I just wanted to uh tell you that. I’m sorry, I won’t call again. Just...just be happy, Benny. That’s what I want most, I just want you to be happy.” Cain cleared his throat, trying to keep the emotion hidden away, “Okay, Bye.”    
  


Benny stilled at the familiar voice ringing in his ears. He sounded so different from the last time he talked to him. He dropped the spatula and quickly dove to get it off the floor, rinsing it under the tap for a second.

“You okay?” Amara asked concern and worry flooding to the forefront of her mind. Benny looked shaken and there was only one thing she knew of that could do that to him. 

_ Cain. _

“I’m uh, yeah, I’m okay,” Benny swallowed hard and got the omelet out of the pan before it burned. He was going to make one for himself but thought better of it. His stomach was swirling dangerously and if he even attempted to eat anything he’d probably throw it back up.

“You don’t look okay, Benny,” Amara said quietly, reaching out for his arm. “Talk to me...what’s going on?” 

Benny leaned in against her touch and sighed, “That was uh, that was a message from Cain,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as if the fact that his ex calling meant nothing. He was trying his hardest to see it like that anyway. That Cain's voice didn't sear right through his heart like a steel rod.

“And…?” Amara asked, worried that she needed to pull it from him. For a while now Benny has been an open book, though it hadn’t been easy in the beginning. The wound had been too fresh then, he had still been reeling from the breakup and he locked up tighter than a damn vault. But once she was able to prove that she wasn’t going to push, wasn’t going anywhere, Benny had opened the floodgates and let her in. 

“Says he’s doin alright. Sounds more like the man I knew before all this bullshit happened,” he said. The pain was still there, right under the surface. As much as he cared for Amara and knew he was slowly falling for her, Cain was still lodged right there under his ribs. A part of him ached to go see him but the other side couldn't let go of that last week between them.

“Good, do you want to call him back? Or go see him?” she asked, holding her arms out until he buried his face against her chest. “You don’t have to go, this is not me pushing you to do anything, as far as I’m concerned you don’t owe that man a damn thing more than you’ve given.”

She smiled sadly, “But also...I know you and I know what he means to you, so I want you to know that I’m here for you, no matter what you decide.” 

Benny clung to her as her soft words soothed over the raw and flayed open feelings in his chest. He let out a soft hum as he burrowed into her warmth and sighed softly.

“You're too good to me sweetheart,” he whispered. 

“Well it’s time  _ someone _ treated you like you deserve,” she answered, kissing at his lips before handing his phone back to him from where he’d sat it down on the counter. 

“Call or text him, test the waters if you need to. I’m going to eat some of this delicious looking omelet.”

Benny smiled at her, tipping her face up for another kiss before pulling back. The phone clutched in his hand as he went through the apartment to his bedroom. It was still a mess, clothes strewn everywhere. Shaking his head he sunk down on the bed and stared down at the unknown number for a full minute before finally hitting call.

“Hello,” Cain answered, though it was a little garbled from the fact that he was distractedly chewing on a pen. He’d been trying for a couple of minutes to remember the name of the guy his crossword puzzle was asking for but no dice.

It was part of his therapy, doc told him to make a list of things that he used to enjoy and pick some of the healthier ones back up again. 

Benny frowned a little but responded with a soft hello back. There was a long pause, one long enough that he could practically hear both of their heartbeats over the line.

It was shock, that’s what he felt. A million emotions filtered through him in just a couple seconds and he gently pinched himself just to test it. When there wasn’t any jarring and he didn’t wake up somewhere else, Cain whispered his surprise. “It’s really you, you called me back...” 

Benny looked down at his hand resting on his leg. His thoughts were a little garbled up in his mind but he closed his eyes to get himself to focus. Cain’s voice...it was something he missed desperately.

“I did. I had to see if you were really doin okay,” Benny said softly.

“Yeah, I am...it’s uh, it’s not been easy but I’m good. Doc says I’m making all kinds of progress and I’ve uh, I’ve been sober for six months,” Cain answered, running his free hand through his hair. He cleared his throat awkwardly, “Enough about me, how are um, how are things with you?” 

Benny smiled softly, “I’m glad to hear that Cain. I’m proud of ya,” he said, looking around the room as his eyes burned a little, “I uh, I’m doing good. Found a good apartment closer to the city. Still workin at the garage but sometimes I work at a bar on the weekends,” he said. No matter what they went through or what Cain did to him, he did not want to rub it in the man’s face he was in a relationship with someone else. He never wanted to purposely hurt Cain in any way.

“That’s good, Benny. Really good. You always did enjoy a hard day’s work,” Cain replied, chewing at his lip before he spoke again. “I uh, I have some things for you if you want them. You don’t have to see me if you don’t want to, I’d understand if you didn’t. But there are a couple of things you should have so if you want to just give me an address or something, I can send them to you.” 

Benny flinched a little and was already shaking his head, “Nah, Cain. I’ll come get them. I’d uh, I’d like to see you. Kinda miss your ugly face,” Benny teased with a small laugh. He was sure Amara would be okay with that….that woman was the definition of understanding.

“Yeah, okay. Uh what, what time is good for you? I’m here most of the time, except for Tuesday and Thursday morning for a couple of hours. That’s when I go do my therapy…” he trailed off, his hands trembled at the thought of seeing Benny again. Part of him hoped the man would just punch him in the face for what he’d done, God knows he deserved that and more but he knew Benny well enough to know that wouldn’t be the case. “I uh, I got a job working from home. I’m a consultant for a security place over in New York, but I’m available, whenever.” 

Benny laughed a little, “That’s...that’s awesome Cain.” His heart fluttered at the thought that Cain was actually taking care of himself. Though his chest felt heavy with guilt that it took them breaking up for Cain to get there. He had to remind himself that everything happened for a reason and the two of them going through that horrible time may have been Cain’s wake up call. 

“I have a few things to take care of today but I can come over later,” Benny said.

“Sure, yeah...whenever is fine. I’ll be here.” The pain in Cain’s chest throbbed, the ache that came from the end of them never truly went away but he learned to live with it. Now with the thought that he’d see Benny again though, it felt even more viscerally open. Before he broke down, he quickly added, “See you soon then, bye.” 

“Goodbye Cain,” Benny said, the phone staying up by his ear until Cain hung up. He swallowed hard and gently placed his phone on the bed before burrowing his head into his hands. In the back of his mind, he could hear the creak of his bedroom door and wasn’t too surprised when warm hands rubbed at his shoulders. Amara wrapped around him, her head resting on his shoulder and he felt slightly less like he was about to splinter apart.

“It’s going to be okay,” she said, curious as to how the conversation had gone but it was clear that Benny didn’t need to be poked and prodded at that moment so she let it die. Instead, she just comforted him the best way she knew how and pulled him back into bed to just cuddle a little while longer. 

Whatever happened, she would make damn sure Benny knew he wasn’t alone, not anymore. 

* * *

  
  
  


It felt so weird, being parked back in his old spot in the garage of the house they once shared. Even though it had only been six months, it felt like years. It hadn’t changed much, the lawn looked freshly mowed and that surprised Benny. That meant Cain had to have hired someone to do it. It made Benny happy though that Cain had been true to his word when he said he was taking care of things.

Benny pulled himself out of the truck and slowly walked up to the stone steps to the door. He wondered if he should just walk in but thought better of it. This wasn’t his home anymore, hell he didn’t even have a key. Left it on the counter as he had left that day. Taking in a deep breath he pressed the doorbell and waited.

“Come on in,” Cain called out, his heart rabbiting in his chest. He was having a hard time believing that Benny was really there but the unmistakable sound of his old pickup made it pretty clear. He took a deep breath and tried to hold back some of his smile as the door opened and in walked the man he loved for the first time in months. 

Benny stilled when he took not only the house but Cain in. The room was the cleanest he’d ever seen it and Cain looked beautiful sitting there smiling up at him. Benny couldn't help smiling back as he closed the door behind him.

“Hey,” Benny said quickly before anything embarrassing could come out of his mouth.

“Hey, you look good Ben.” Cain self consciously ran a hand through his hair as the nervous flutters in his stomach doubled their erratic pace. 

“So do you cher,” Benny said, grinning at just how long Cain’s beard was now, “I always knew you could grow one faster than me,” he said brushing his hand down his own short beard. Then again, he kept it short now for other reasons he wasn’t going to say in front of Cain. He closed the distance between them and gave Cain a questioning look. Once he got a timid nod, Benny bent down and embraced the man.

Cain let the warmth of the hug soothe the restlessness under his skin. It was just a hug and he knew it didn’t mean anything but it still felt like coming home. To keep himself from saying something stupid he grinned and let his arms drop back down.

“You want something to drink? I’ve got water, juice, and I think there’s some sweet tea left in there.”

“Sweet tea? When did you start drinking sweet tea?” Benny chuckled, standing back up.

“I don’t really, but my nurse Missouri, she brings some with her sometimes and just leaves it behind,” Cain answered, laughing quietly along with Benny. “I tried it, it’s not too bad but I’d rather have water most of the time.” 

He waited until Benny wasn’t facing him anymore to ask, he knew he wouldn’t have the courage otherwise. Still, he kept his voice light, careful to make sure that it wouldn’t come off as harsh or rude. Licking his lips, he asked,“So who is she?” 

Benny froze. How had...the voicemail. He completely forgot Amara’s laugh could be heard in the background. Cesar always gave him shit for that, saying it made them a gross stereotypical couple. 

Benny swallowed hard as he grabbed out a water bottle for each of them, “Her name’s Amara,” he said quietly, not able to look up at Cain.

“That’s a pretty name,” Cain answered, smiling to himself. He thought it would hurt more, but mostly he was just happy because Benny was happy, or at least it seemed that way. “Don’t worry, I’m not...I mean, I understand Ben. I didn’t ask you to come today with any sort of expectation.” 

Benny looked up at him and nodded a little, “I know. Just don’t wanna hurt you Cain,” he said softly, taking a long drink from his water bottle before putting it down on the counter.

“You’re happy?” he asked, though he was sure he knew the answer. The small laugh in the background of his voicemail had brought a smile to Benny’s own voice and it was clear that he had found something special. When Benny nodded again, Cain smiled. “Good.” 

“Come to the living room, that’s where I put your things.” 

Cain wheeled himself into the living room, it had taken a few weeks but he’d gotten permission to put down some hardwood flooring in the apartment so he wasn’t trying to push himself through the carpet or over the small uneven strips that separated the rooms. 

Benny followed closely, his heart in his throat. He never thought in his life that he'd be doing this. The whole time he thought Cain was the one, that he wouldn't have to worry about picking up his stuff. Rubbing a hand down his face he peered into the box and frowned at an item wrapped in a towel. 

Carefully he unwrapped it, the lump in his throat growing tenfold when he saw the frame. It looked as if it hadn't been broken at all.

“Oh….Cain,” he said sniffling.

“I’ll never forgive myself for a lot of what I pulled at the end, Benny but me being an asshole shouldn’t take something so special away from you. As soon as I could, I repaired it myself,” he answered, not wanting Benny to think that it was some sort of professional. Even if they weren’t together anymore, hell even if Benny never wanted to see him again, Cain wouldn’t have taken something so important to the man and hand it over to a stranger. “Didn’t want to let just anyone mess with it, y’know?” 

Benny nodded as he traced over the image if his grandparents with shaky fingers, “Thank you. This means so much to me,” Benny said. He honestly didn't care what else was in the box, the most treasured was that picture. It had killed him to leave it behind but he after he had left, he couldn't bring himself to come back.

“I know,” he answered. 

They sat there a while longer, Benny staring down at the photo frame in disbelief, Cain unable to look away from him. It was in that moment, that he realized he’d never truly be happy again. To live every day without Benny, without what they had, it felt like a new kind of torture. But if it meant that Benny was happy, he’d endure and hopefully find some sort of peace. 

“There’s some other stuff in there, nothing as important as that, obviously; just a few things I thought you might want back,” he said, trying to pull both Benny and himself out of their heads. “Feel free to take anything I forgot, or anything I just wasn’t sure about. There’s a lot of stuff here that’s yours but I wasn’t sure how much of a reminder you’d want.”

Benny nodded. There were a few things now that he was thinking about it that he did want. Most were his clothes, specifically his father's peacoat but his photo books were a definite must. 

“I'll look around before I go,” he said and relaxed back into the couch, “I want you to know that I'm proud of ya cher.”

“Thanks, I didn’t do it alone though. If it hadn’t been for Missouri I don’t know how it would have turned out but I don’t think it would have been good,” Cain admitted honestly. “I’ve been seeing a doc, well a few but I meant I was seeing a shrink, it’s helped.” 

“Hey, it don’t matter if you didn't do it alone. You made the choice to get better, that’s all that matters,” Benny said with a warm smile.

“Oh I’m not trying to play it off, it’s been one hell of a fight but I’m in a better place now and I can see you are too, that’s good Ben,” Cain answered, “As I said in the voicemail earlier, I just want you to be happy and I’m glad you’ve found someone that can give you that. God knows you deserve an angel after everything I put you through.” 

Benny wanted to argue but he couldn’t get the words out. He was glad he found Amara and as much as he still loved Cain, them being together right now wasn’t logical.

“I’m not excusing everything you did Cain but...I’d really like to start over with you. As friends. You mean too much to me and we’ve been through way too much for this all to just...end. I mean, if that’s something you’d want of course,” Benny said biting down on his bottom lip.

“I want to say yes, I actually started to invite you to bring your girl over so I could meet her, but I don’t know Benny…” Cain shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe it would be best for both of us to keep our distance for a little while longer. I don’t want to lose your friendship either but- well don’t get me wrong, I’m in a good place I wasn’t lying about that but I’ve still got room for improvement.” 

“Cain…” Benny started but stopped himself just as quickly. It had only been six months and Cain was right, he still had some healing to do. Even though his heart hurt Benny nodded, “I understand cher. I do. If there’s anything I can do, tell me okay?” he said.

“You just take care of yourself and your girl and I’ll be fine,” he answered, taking in a deep breath as he watched Benny stand. “Take whatever you want, I’m going to get back to work but it’s been really good seeing you, Ben.” 

Benny looked at him sadly and nodded, “You too Cain,” he said, aching to hug the man again but he pulled himself back. He went back into the bedroom, it feeling almost out of body being back in there after so long. He grabbed up his coat and whatever else he saw to take. As he headed for the front door he turned back to Cain, “I mean it Cain. Call me whenever okay?” he said.

“Yeah, I will.” 

* * *

Amara sat her book down on the coffee table and went into the kitchen. The casserole Benny had put together smelled divine and it was nearly done. He’d texted her when he’d left Cain’s apartment but it was just a quick, on my way, no details. She hoped that everything went well and that he wasn’t overwhelmed or too emotional while driving home. 

She’d timed it perfectly, it seemed, the timer went off just as Benny stepped into his apartment and she grinned. “You want to get that for me? It’s kind of heavy and now that it’s hot, I’m not sure I want to risk dropping it.” 

Benny chuckled, shaking his head at her, “Hello to you too,” he said dropping the few things he had in his hand. The casserole would have to wait as he placed the framed picture on the electric fireplace. He couldn’t help smiling up at it and finally hurried into the kitchen to get the food out of the oven.

“Can you get me a beer baby?” Benny called out.

“Sure,” she answered, reaching into the fridge and grabbing one for herself too. “So…don’t keep me waiting! How’d it go?” 

Benny laughed softly and took up the beer from her, “It uh, it went well. He’s doing really good,” he said and took a few drinks, “Told him about you, said he was happy for me.”

Amara smiled, genuinely pleased at how the interaction must have gone. Benny seemed lighter, happier and she was all for a happier Benny. “Did he seem genuine, when he said that?” she teased, “Or was he looking at you like he was the big bad wolf and you were little red riding hood?” 

Benny snorted, playfully pushing at her shoulder, “Nah. He seemed genuine. It hurt him but I think he was sincere when he said he only wants me to be happy.,” he said and gently pulled Amara closer so he could nuzzle their noses together, “I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing him but I am happy,” he said.

“So you’re not going to run away with him and leave me on my own then?” she asked, mostly joking. Part of her was sure Benny was still in love with his ex, and she figured it would always be that way. That being said, she trusted Benny to be upfront with her on how he was feeling.

“No, I wouldn't be able to do that to you,” Benny said kissing at her forehead, “I do need to ask ya somethin,” he said only continuing when she nodded, “Would you be okay with the possibility of me and him being friends?”

“First, yes of course. Secondly, I want to ask you something and I want you to think about it before you answer, ok?” she asked, wrapping her arms around him with a grin. “You saw him today, I’m sure he was cleaned up and you said he looked good, I imagine he was a pretty close replica of the man you fell in love with, right?”

When he nodded, she continued, “I know you’re not looking to start things back up again, but is there anything there, between you?”

“I honestly don’t know Mari,” he said softly.

“Fair enough,” she answered, smiling a bit too wide. “Just keep me updated. Whatever happens, I’m flexible, I just don’t like being taken by surprise, understood?”

He nodded again, the weight of his head warm and comforting on her chest. “I don’t want to lose you but I’m also not going to ask you to cut a piece of your heart out of your chest from jealousy. I’m not insecure about us and I trust you to be honest with me. So whatever happens, we will work it out together, yeah?”

“I won't keep anything from you Mari, promise,” Benny said turning his head to kiss at her collar bone. He wanted to promise that he wouldn't leave her or hurt her but he'd be a fool to make those kinds of promises. Not until he sorted out his shit with Cain.

* * *

  
  
  
  


Dr. Adamic smiled at Cain, he was doing so much better. There’d been no self-harm in almost a year and even his nightmares had dwindled to a minimal, but unfortunately expected amount. He’d become a completely different person over their year together and she felt she’d given him the tools to deal with his life, injuries and all. 

“Cain, you’ve made a lot of progress, wouldn’t you agree?” 

“Yes, yeah I have. I’m in a much better place than I was when I started all this. You’ve been great doc.” 

“Well I’ll take the compliment but I want you to realize that it was you who did all the work. Imagine it like building a house. Maybe I’ve handed you a hammer or a nail from time to time, but you’re the one that took it and built something beautiful from it,” she said, smiling softly at him. 

“Okaaay.” 

“You don’t need me anymore, Cain.” 

“I don’t know doc,” he answered nervously, chewing at his lip. 

“Trust me, you’ve got all the tools you need. But, if you start to feel lost or things get worse, feel free to call me or come back anytime.” 

“Okay, yeah...yeah I can do that.” 

“Take a deep breath and smile, it’s about time you got rid of me, don’t you think?” 

He rolled his eyes, remembering back to the first few sessions where he flat out told her it wasn’t going to last and he’d be rid of her by the end of the month. Thankfully, he’d come to his senses soon enough. 

“Alright, you win that one but I uh, I just wanted to say thanks Doc, for everything.” 

“It’s Laura now, but you’re very welcome, now get out of here before I roll you out myself.” 

He laughed but turned himself to go quickly. Cain knew if he stared at her much longer he was going to end up getting emotional. After everything he’d been through, everything he’d told her and not once had he seen judgment or pity in her eyes. She’d pulled him out of hell just as much as Benny had, he guessed, though it wasn’t quite as literal the second time around. 

He wheeled himself down the sidewalk toward where Missouri was waiting for him, half dazed out wondering if he was really going to be okay when he accidentally bumped into someone. 

“Sorry buddy, I-” Cain gasped, there was Benny’s big blue eyes staring down at him and the thump thump of his chest came back to life after months of lonely silence. 

“Holy shi- Cain!” Benny exclaimed, his face breaking out into a huge smile when he saw the man. There was no point in denying how happy he was to see him. It’d been almost nine months since they had last seen each other. Benny had wanted to reach out but Cain needed to be the one to make that call when he was ready.

“Hey, Ben.” 

Cain wanted to reach out and let the man engulf him in one of those hugs that made him feel like he was really home again but he was also terrified. He knew his heart hadn’t changed and Benny looked happy, he could be married with a kid on the way for all Cain knew and as much as he valued their friendship he would be an idiot to think that it wouldn’t rip him apart if that was the case. 

“How are you?” Benny asked, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Good, good...I uh, just finished therapy actually,” he said, for a lack of anything else to say. It was awkward as hell but it was still good to see the man. “How are you, and your girl?” 

“That’s awesome Cain,” Benny said, the need to squeeze at Cain’s wrist a little too much, “I’m good man. Finally got out of that apartment and now have a small house. Amara’s great, still kickin ass at the bar that she owns,” Benny laughed a little with a shrug. There were days he woke up and still wondered how he got so lucky that Amara still wanted anything to do with him. He’d admitted, a long time ago that he still had feelings for Cain. That they’d never go away. The woman took in stride and continued to be with his sorry ass.

“That’s good, real good Benny...I should go, Missouri is waiting for me,” he said, needing an escape. The man he loved was in love with someone else, they had a house together, probably a life together and Cain had...well not much, but he had himself. The idea that he was going to make progress and get Benny back in his life had gone a long way in helping him to get out of bed in the morning but he’d known for quite some time that it wasn’t going to work the way he’d hoped. Only an idiot would give Benny up and once he found someone Cain knew it was only a matter of time until he’d moved on. 

“Cain wait, uh...would you like to come over? For dinner? We can do it at your place instead if that’s easier,” Benny added quickly. He didn’t want Cain to leave just yet, it’d been so long and fuck he had missed the guy something awful.

“I uh, I don’t know, kinda busy with work right now…” he lied. Well it wasn’t a lie, he had been doing a lot of consulting and it kept him busy but he could have easily made time for something he wanted. He just, he wasn’t sure this was what he wanted. Seeing Benny opened something up inside of him, something warm and safe and nice but how would that same thing feel if he was forced through a dinner with Benny and his future wife or hell, maybe his present wife. He didn’t look for a wedding band, didn’t want to risk his fragile heart further. “I’ll uh, I’ll call if I find the time.” 

Benny deflated a little and nodded, “Yeah, sure. Same number, just uh, give me a call,” he said nodding sadly as he held up his hand in a wave. He looked at Cain for a minute longer before he turned on his heel to head in the direction he’d been going. There was a cheesecake waiting for him at the bakery that he wanted to get home before Amara got there.

Part of him knew he was pushing Benny away all over again, the only question was the reasoning behind it this time. Was it okay if he was doing it to protect himself, _ was  _ he even doing it to protect himself or was there something else behind his rash decision. 

_ Fuck _ . 

He took a breath and wheeled himself back over the Van that Missouri drove. It used to piss him off to see it, to know that he wouldn’t be riding around in a sports car anymore, not to mention the fact that he’d never drive a motorcycle again, that one had really stung, even after he dried up. Still, it was better to focus on what he still  _ could _ do rather than what he couldn’t. 

When he got home he tried to focus on work, or at least put up the appearance of it until Missouri left with a shake of her head and a knowing glance. 

He speed dialed Dr. Adamic. 

“Hello?” Laura asked barely looking up from the papers on her desk.

“Hey, doc...it’s Cain I-I know you just uh, you cleared me or whatever but when I left your office today I ran into-into  _ him _ ,” Cain confessed, feeling the nervous panic that had been twisting his stomach around in knots, settle a bit, just a short word from her and he was calm again. 

Laura smiled and leaned back in her chair, “Cain, take a breath,” she instructed, smiling a bit wider when he did as she asked, “Was this a good reunion or did something happen?”

“He uh, he invited me over to have dinner with him and his...girl, I-I don’t think I can do this, doc,” he answered, “I-I still- I still love him, I still  _ want _ him-” 

“Cain, close your eyes and breathe for me. Remember your counts,” she said and proceeded to count with him over the phone. When the tone of panic was out of his voice she continued, “What are you afraid of Cain?” she asked.

“What I’m  _ not _ afraid of when it comes to him is a shorter list, doc.” He growled quietly in frustration and tugged at his hair a bit. “It could go bad, it could go great, either way, I’m going to be miserable. I could spend the rest of my life apologizing to him for the shit that I put him through and it wouldn’t cover even half of it. I could live my life knowing he’s happy, even if it means I live it alone, but seeing him with someone else, watching him  _ love _ someone else, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for that. 

“And what if you go and you find yourself  _ not _ being miserable? That you are able to set aside your romantic feelings and achieve that friendship you once had with him? Isn’t that what you said you wanted? To be in Benny’s life at some point?” she asked.

“Yeah I just-Yes, that’s what I wanted,” he answered, glancing down at his legs and back up. He could do this, he  _ would _ do this for Benny if nothing else. It was clear the man wanted to reconnect with his old buddy and it was least he could do to offer him that chance, even if it hurt. 

“I do, I want that, I’m just...I’m scared.” 

“That just means you’re human Cain. Take a moment to really examine this and be sure this is something you’d like to do. There isn’t a crime in telling him yes but needing a bit of time to ready yourself. You’ve got this Cain but I will always be here if you call,” Laura said with a smile.

“Thanks, doc,” he answered before he ended the call. He sighed once it was over but he’d already made up his mind. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to it, well part of him was, but that part was an idiot that didn’t know when it was beaten. 

_ Fuck. _

  
  
  


* * *

Benny fiddled with his phone a bit, the messages from Amara keeping him a bit calmer than he had been just an hour ago. Cain had called him a few days ago, asking to meet up. It had surprised the hell out of him, to not only hear from him but to hang out? He’d been giddy like a kid, Amara laughing at him the entire time.

They’d agreed to meet at the local park, a place with enough sidewalks to ease Cain’s movements. There was a lake in the middle and with the chilling weather it was an excellent day for a stroll.

Benny chewed on his thumbnail as he glanced at his phone to see the time. He was still pretty early but the nerves were ratcheting up higher as the seconds went by. He was going to start pacing again when he caught sight of someone moving closer to him.

A huge smile pulled at Benny’s lips as he raised up a hand in a wave, “Hey!”

Cain shook his head but grinned, it was too hard not to when staring up at Benny’s gorgeous smile.

“Hey,” he answered, holding his arms out to welcome his friend into them. It wasn’t going to be an easy day but Cain figured he would do everything he could to make it good for Benny, good for both of them if that was possible he just wasn’t sure. 

Benny engulfed the man in his arms and hugged him tightly. It felt amazing and he sighed heavily, “I’m so glad you called me,” he said with a soft laugh as he pulled away, “If I’m being honest I didn’t think you would,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

“I wasn’t sure either but this is something I want, something I want to give you,” he answered honestly. “I miss us, our friendship I mean.” Thankfully he corrected himself quickly. 

“I do too,” Benny smiled. They started to follow the sidewalk, sharing in the comfortable air growing around them. It had been uncomfortable at the start but like so many times between them before the accident, it melted away. They stopped at a bench near the lake and Benny sat down so he could be at eye level with Cain.

“You look amazing by the way,” Benny said, glancing at the lake a few times before settling on Cain, “I’m really proud of you cher.”

“Thanks, it’s been a long road but I’m a lot better now,” he answered, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. “Better enough to know there’s a world of apologies I owe you Ben.”

“If it’ll help you to heal then, by all means, I’ll listen. If I’m being honest though, you don’t have to Cain,” Benny said softly.

“No, I do Ben, I really do...I thought about writing you a letter but then I figured that would be like taking the easy way out, so here we are,” he said, a short, deep laugh escaped through his lips. 

He swallowed, “I was a real bastard there for a long time, not just the booze and the yelling but...but everything. I’m honestly surprised you stayed as long as you did and I just, I need you to know that I don’t blame you for walking out, I never have, not even before I cleaned up...I just, I went numb.” 

Benny nodded slowly, “Shit was dark for a while there. I didn’t know what to do or how to help you...as much as it sucked and hurt, the way things ended it if helped you to get better, no matter how small-” Benny sighed, his hands twisting together, “I’m just grateful you’re doin okay now.”

“It did, as much as I might have liked to just lay there and die in the days after everything- no, what I’m saying is that I didn’t have much of a choice but to figure shit out or give up and die, so my survival instincts kicked in and I made it through,” he answered, squeezing gently at Benny’s arm. “You weren’t just a small part of that Benny, the thought of, I don’t know winning you back, hell even making you proud of me again, it really helped me through some bad days.” 

Benny smiled, touching at Cain’s hand, “I am proud of you Cain.”

“That means a lot,” he said, feeling his traitorous heart clench at the words like it was grabbing out for any sign of care or affection from Benny. He was undoubtedly pathetic but, even so, the words were nice and they put a genuine smile on his lips. 

“So, tell me about you, about your girl...about your house with the white picket fence,” he teased, trying to keep his tone light. He didn’t want to ruin their time together but he couldn’t let himself forget that Benny wasn’t his anymore. 

Benny stared at Cain for a moment, “Are you sure this is something you wanna talk about?” he asked softly.

“Would it be smart to ignore it?” Cain asked, an eyebrow lifted. “Don’t get me wrong, Benny...it hurts to think about you with someone else but I’ve never been the type to bury my head in the sand and pretend everything is okay.” 

He sighed and nodded, “Trust me, it’s better for everyone if we don’t avoid it because it’s a little awkward, okay a lot awkward but still, we can’t just hide it away and pretend she doesn’t exist, and that you’re not happy with her, I’ll be fine.” 

Benny chewed on his lip and nodded, keeping his hand over Cain’s, “Things with me are okay. I’m now the head manager at the garage, still slinging drinks at the bar for some extra cash and just something to do with my nights when I get bored. I don’t know if I mentioned before but Amara owns that bar,” Benny explained, blinking a few times before looking out at the lake.

“She’s either the strangest woman in the world or...I don’t even know,” Benny laughed softly, “She was so accepting of everything that involved you. Didn’t blink an eye, nothin. She’s too good for me that’s for damn sure.”

“Well I can’t say she’s not but even so, with everything you had to go through to get there, you deserve something amazing,” Cain answered softly. “God knows I didn’t make it easy on you.” 

“Amara said nearly the same thing,” Benny said and then swallowed hard, “I don’t mean...she uh...she’s really protective over me I guess sometimes,” he shrugged.

“She wants to meet you.”

Cain nodded, “I can do that,” he agreed, taking a deep breath. “It would probably be good for me.”

What he doesn’t say is that he wants to be able to visualize her, to hold himself accountable for his thoughts and his feelings for Benny. Wants a face to put the name to, a person who laughs and cries and feels to keep reminding him of his place on the sidelines. 

“She busy now?” 

“Nah, she’s probably pacing right now waiting for me to message her,” he laughed softly pulling out his phone. Instead of texting her he pushed the green phone icon next to Amara’s name. A flurry of nerves and excitement swirled around in his stomach as it rang.

“It’s over already? That’s not good,” Amara answered, not even bothering to say hello. “You okay?” 

Benny chuckled, “Everythins fine,” he said, “You still wanna meet him?” Benny glanced over at Cain to make sure it was okay and sighed when the other man simply smiled, giving him a nod.

“Uh, lemme think..hell yes, I can be there in ten.” 

“We should go head back to the apartment, I think it’s going to rain soon...does she know the way?” Cain asked, eager to be back on his in his own turf so to speak. Plus, it was nearly lunchtime they could busy themselves with food and stave off some of the awkwardness that was bound to show up. 

Benny nodded, “Hey, wanna pick up some food? We’re gonna head back to Cain’s place, I’ll text you the address,” he said getting up from the bench.

“Yeah, I’ll grab a little of everything at Gios and be there in...half an hour?” she said, fighting off the excited nerves in her stomach. She wasn’t sure why she was so worked up about it all but something told her that whatever Benny and Cain’s past relationship was, she wanted to make a good impression. 

“Sounds good sweetheart, see you soon,” he said and waited for her to say goodbye before hanging up, “She’s bringing food and knowing her, she’ll bring the whole damn restaurant,” he laughed softly.

“Do you want me to give you a ride to the apartment? Or...how did you get here anyway?”

“No, I-no that’s okay, It’s not that far...I can get back, you can drive if you want, or walk with...up to you.” he answered, feeling a little awkward but nothing compared to what he was sure he’d have felt if he let Benny pick him up and put him into the truck. 

“Are...are you sure? It’s not a big deal Cain, we can take my truck,” he said but stopped when he saw the pinched look on Cain’s face. Benny swallowed hard and nodded, “I’ll walk with ya,” he said. It really wasn’t that far from the park and there were only a few times Benny got to help Cain over something. He didn’t know why but it settled something in his chest, especially when Cain didn’t get angry about it either.

“Wow, they changed the place up a lot,” Benny said motioning towards all the new landscaping of the complex.

Cain smiled, taking the compliment for what it was, which was unintentional. 

“Yeah,  _ I did _ ,” he laughed. 

“Whoa, wait. This was you?” he asked, smiling big when Cain nodded happily, “Holy shit ba- uh...Cain. This, this looks awesome,” Benny said, flushing so dark it nearly hurt. He wanted to punch himself in the face for almost calling Cain babe, it was an accident.

He scratched nervously at the back of his neck but he was smiling nonetheless. “I’ve been doing okay with work and I wanted to knock out a few walls in my place and the manager was being a real dick about it so, I bought it out from under him.” 

“Damn,” Benny laughed. There was a buzz in his pocket and suddenly remembered he still had to text Amara the address. He did so quickly and looked around the place some more. There were still some pictures up of the two of them and seeing them there made his chest squeeze.

“This is really awesome,” he said looking around again.

“Yeah, I hired this little designer, she helped a lot I guess but I needed a better layout and-” Cain sighed, “And I needed a fresh start,” he said gesturing around the place, “This went a long way to help with that.” 

Benny smiled over at him and nodded. The place was more open no-, less constricting. Everything was fresh, brighter and that made Benny so happy. To see the way Cain had changed things, that even this place that held some pretty bad memories was able to heal as well. 

There was a knock on the door and Benny hurried over to answer it. Amara smiled almost shyly at him that drew a snicker from his lips, “Hey sweetheart,” he said and grabbed several of the bags.

“Hey, I wasn’t entirely sure what to get so I-“

“You got a bit of everything, just like I thought you would,” Benny chuckled, ushering her into the apartment.

“Amara, this is Cain. Cain, this is Amara,” he said and for whatever reason had the biggest grin on his face.

“It’s so good to finally meet you,” she said, reaching her hand out to shake his. She was normally a fairly confident person but there was something about Cain and what he meant to Benny that made her feel a little self-conscious. 

Cain stared. 

It wasn’t like him to be rude but he was in awe of the woman in front of him. She was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans, a light tank top with a dark brown leather jacket over it and...and she was probably the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in person. 

“Uh-” he swallowed, hoping his tongue didn’t follow. 

Benny looked between them and snorted. Cain was still probably the most gorgeous man he’d ever gotten the pleasure to know and Amara...well she didn’t have a word to describe her. None in Benny’s vocabulary anyway. She looked especially good today with all that thick brown hair of hers down and over one shoulder.

“Usually he’s more eloquent than that,” Benny teased, leaning in to kiss at Amara’s cheek before taking the bags into the kitchen.

Benny’s voice snapped him out of it and Cain reached his hand out in return. “Sorry, sorry...It’s very nice to meet you as well,” he said, taking a few deep breaths to get his rabbiting heart under control. “So uh, Benny tells me you own your own business, that’s impressive for someone so young.”

“I had help in the beginning but yeah, it’s mine free and clear now, and I love it,” she answered. “Benny’s told me a lot about the work you’ve done rebuilding yourself, and I know you’re sober now but we do have some special events that are alcohol free. You could come to one sometime if you’d like.” 

“A bar that stops selling liquor?” Cain raised his eyebrow. 

“I know, trust me I know. But the customers are really great and the atmosphere is a pretty good draw whether there’s alcohol or not. It’s kind of a sports bar you could say, and we have a live band on the weekends,” she said, the fondness and pride came seeping out of her when she started talking about Dark Mark Bar and Grill. “Sorry, sometimes it’s hard for me to shut up once you get me started on it.”

“Don’t apologize sweetheart, you worked your ass off gettin that place, you deserve to be proud of it,” Benny said coming back into the family room, “C’mon let's dig in before it starts to cool off.” The other two followed him to the dining table where he had all the containers open and within reach. Their plates were soon filled and the conversation stayed light and inquisitive. Benny though, stayed pretty quiet. Cain and Amara were bouncing off each other and as the minutes ticked by, the more it felt like they were old friends. His chest squeezed fondly when not only Amara but Cain threw back their heads laughing at something to Benny’s expense. He hadn’t heard Cain laugh like that in such a long time. He couldn't help the way his throat locked up or how his eyes glossed over. He tried to cover it though, with a warm chuckle and a wave of his hand. 

“Do you need some more water?” Cain asked, he didn’t like the way Benny’s face looked a bit red. 

“Nah, I’m good cher,” Benny said, giving Cain a smile.

Cain nodded, and turned back to his conversation with Amara, she was somehow soft and yet fierce, effortlessly funny, and he had a genuine interest in everything she was saying. He hadn’t been so entranced by someone in years, probably not since B-, and that thought soured his stomach.

“Sorry, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go to the restroom for a minute.” 

“Everythin okay?” Benny asked. Cain merely nodded as he turned his wheelchair towards the hall bathroom. Benny chewed on his lip and turned to Amara, “Seems you two are gettin along,” he chuckled.

“He’s great, I can see why you love him so much,” she whispered, a small smile on her lips. Cain was absolutely gorgeous, even after everything he’d been through, maybe more so with that, he was stunning and warm and everything Benny said he’d been at the start of their relationship. She wasn’t sure she could have forgiven the man for what he’d done to Benny but she was happy that Benny could, that they could reach beyond the bitter end to find whatever came next. 

Benny ducked his head and nodded, not knowing what to say. He’d admit later that seeing Cain and Amara interact had his heart racing for  _ both _ of them and that was all kinds of fucked up. Wasn’t it? 

“I’m just glad you two hit it off,” he said softly, turning up his face to smile at her.

“I think maybe a little too well…” she answered quietly, not wanting to put any more pressure on Cain in case he could overhear their conversation. “I’m not sure, why he left but I’ve seen that look before and I think he’s freaking out right now...do you want to go check on him?” 

Benny frowned, “What do you mean?” he asked. He had a pretty good idea but even he was swimming in a pool of denial, not wanting to admit certain things to himself. Having Amara spell it out for him always made things better.

She sighed, “He’s attracted to me Benny, and he’s freaking out. Go tell him it’s fine, go on,” she said, shoo’ing her boyfriend away. 

Benny’s eyes widened and then he snorted, “Well, who could blame him. Showin up, looking all kinds of adorable,” he said shaking his head. Before he left, he leaned down for a soft kiss.

He found Cain in the en suite bathroom, the door slightly cracked open. Benny pushed it open slowly, “Hey...can I come in?” he asked.

“I’ll be back out soon I-,” Cain started, but he sighed to himself, pushing them away wasn’t going to make things any easier. Biting the bullet was the better approach than putting off the inevitable and just letting it hang over him for however long it happened to be there. “Yeah, yeah come on in, Ben.” 

Benny closed the door behind him and moved to sit down on the toilet so he could look Cain in the face, “What’s goin on cher?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know, I think maybe this is all too much…” he lied, hating himself as the words came out. Laura’s voice was in the back of his mind making some really good points that he tried to push back but eventually, he just sagged and said what he truly meant. “That’s not- I mean it is but not the way I said it. Your girl, she’s...she’s pretty amazing, anyone with eyes can see that. And you finally have someone that treats you as well as you deserve and I’m just sitting here thinking about how wonderful she is, how beautiful, how charming and funny, until I realize that I haven’t felt that same connection..well, since you.” 

Benny let out some sort of soft noise and Cain continued. “I’m sorry, Ben...maybe it’s just better if you two go.” 

Benny looked down at his hands, watching as his thumbs dragged over his own knuckles, “Is that something you want Cain? For us to leave?” he asked softly. He knew Cain didn’t want them to, he could read it so clearly in the other man’s eyes. The question really was, where was this going? They’d just barely reconnected and the emotions were getting to be too much, Benny could see that as well. But Benny had felt that too and if he knew Amara, he saw her own attraction to Cain.

“I didn’t say that’s what I wanted, I just said maybe it would be better if you did,” Cain answered, shaking his head. “I don’t need or want to make any more trouble for you than I already have. You deserve better than that, you  _ have _ better.” 

Benny stared at him, not enjoying the way Cain was avoiding him. It was a dick move and Benny knew it but he grabbed at Cain’s wheelchair to pull him closer. The exasperated look on Cain’s face made him snort.

“You are not making any more trouble for me Cain. Kicking me out will though, that’s for damn sure,” Benny said quickly silencing Cain before he could argue, “There’s a lot going on here. And it isn’t all one sided though Cain, I need you to understand that okay?”

“I don’t, I don’t understand it...what are you saying, Benny?” 

“I’m just gonna be brutally honest here. I’m still in love with you. That’s...that’s never changed and I don’t think it ever will. Amara knows and has accepted it. But, now, seeing the two of you interact...the attraction is there for her as well,” he said squeezing at Cain’s thigh, trying to comfort the panic in his eyes.

Cain reeled at the confession, unsure of how to take it all in. First Benny says he’s still in love with him like it’s just..like it doesn’t just tear his heart into pieces, and then he goes on to tell him that his girlfriend, what? Wants in on it too? He’s not even sure but it feels overwhelming and his chest gets tight with something he can’t name. 

“I-I don’t-I don’t know what to say, I mean this… this isn’t…” he swallowed again, “I’ve been trying so damn hard to live with the idea that you’d moved on and that you didn’t want me anymore. For months, Hell for over a damn year I told myself that you weren’t mine and now you come in here with you’re fucking gorgeous girlfriend and just say that like-like we weren’t ever apart.” 

“Shh, hey, Cain, look at me,” Benny said, moving to kneel down next to the chair, “I’m sorry. I just...I don’t want there to be any lies or confusion between us. I also don’t want you thinking you’re alone in this, that your attraction to Amara is wrong or misplaced,” he said softly. This time he did reach out and touch Cain’s cheek, the hair on his chin tickling at his palm.

“I don’t understand, Benny...I mean I know I’ve done good, I’ve cleaned up and I’ve changed for the better but how could you-” Cain stopped, his voice raw with emotion and regret. “How could you forgive me after everything I put you through?” 

Benny gave him a tight smile, his shoulders raising up in a shrug, “I can’t explain it. I loved you before we got shipped out, I loved you while we were there and no matter what happened after, I still love you. You were in pain sweetheart, the worst kind. I just didn’t know how to help you properly,” he said with a deep sigh. His hand was about to drop from Cain’s face when there was a hitch in Cain’s next breath. Instead, Benny moved closer and cupped the back of his neck, keeping the connection between them. Even if Cain didn’t realize it, Benny saw the relief.

“I’m just as lost and confused as you are right now. I don’t know what I’m doing...all I know is that whatever this is, I don’t want to lose it. I don’t wanna lose you again cher.”

“Okay, I-I don’t know why but okay, I don’t want to lose you either, Benny...I never did but I just kept pushing and pushing and you never pushed back you just, you just broke and then you were gone and I was alone,” he paused, looking up into those big bright blue eyes. “I was alone for so long and it felt right like that’s what I deserved, but now you’re here offering me even more than what we had before and I just, I can’t believe it.” 

“Cain you didn’t-” Benny quickly stopped himself. This could easily turn into a never-ending argument that Benny didn’t want to have. He would just have to show Cain that he never deserved any of this, let alone to be abandoned. Benny squeezed at the back of Cain’s neck and gave him a smile instead.

“There’s no rush here okay? We’ll take this insanely slow if we need to okay? Just know I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. Not this time,” he said.

“Okay, yeah...I think that’s a good idea,” he replied, squeezing at Benny’s hand before dropping a kiss softly on his knuckles. “We should get back out there, don’t want to leave your girl alone for too long.” 

“Pfft, scrawny thing probably at all the food by now,” Benny smirked. He kissed at Cain’s hand as well, wanting to return the gesture before getting back up to his feet. They headed back into the family room to find Amara pacing while shoving probably her third or fourth roll into her mouth.

“See?” Benny chuckled.

“What,” she said, around the mouthful of bread. Amara flushed when she realized what he was talking about and moved quickly to playfully slap at his arm. “Don’t judge me, this is the first meal I’ve eaten today.” 

Cain grinned, “No judgement here; eat up, there’s plenty.” 

Benny shook his head, “See, this is what happens when I have to work at the garage in the morning, this thing doesn’t remember to eat. Or well...ends up burning shit if she tries to cook,” Benny teased, dodging a flying roll at his head.

“It’s the damn truth and you know it darlin,” Benny chuckled.

“You don’t have to bring it up  _ now, _ ” she said, grumpily. “You could have at least given me time to make an excellent first impression before you called me out like that.” 

“Oh don’t worry, I think you’ve already made a damn fine impression,” Cain answered, smiling a little at her, surprised to find himself more at ease than before. He wasn’t sure if it was their banter that kept him happy and warm or if it was something else altogether but he knew he didn’t want it to end any time soon. 

Benny snickered as he pulled Amara into his side to kiss at her temple, “You know you’re an adorable little shit, you’ll get over it,” he said and went back to his plate. The food was cold now but thankfully Cain’s microwave worked wonders and they got back to eating. 

“Unnnngh, that was delicious. And now I can’t move,” Benny groaned rubbing at his stomach.

Both Cain and Amara chuckled at him, used to his stuffed bear routine. 

“Movie? Or I think I’ve got some playing cards somewhere if you’re interested,” Cain said to Amara, “He’s probably going to pass out soon.” 

She laughed, “Sure, that sounds good.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


It had been three weeks of their visits,  _ dates,  _ hell he wasn’t sure what to call them but Cain knew that there were bound to be questioned soon and he was both a little embarrassed and nervous to talk about it. There had been a lot of animosity over his condition in the early days and while it was manageable for him after counseling, he still had days where he didn’t want to be touched on the leg. He still had days where it felt utterly emasculating to have someone pick him up and maneuver him around and he only allowed that when it was absolutely necessary. He hated the thoughts in his head when it happened, and how quickly they turned dark when he was being lifted or carried. 

They’d just finished supper that Benny cooked and it was well into the evening, warm conversation around him but Cain was focused on himself and his insecurities. He realized quickly that it would serve him better to just be upfront and honest and they could either take it or leave it, though an uneasy part of him knew that if they left it, it might just truly and wholly shatter him. 

“We should move to the living room, I uh, I’ve got something I want to talk to you two about.” 

Benny glanced at Amara for a moment and then nodded, “Yeah sure,” he said and then followed after them. 

When they all got into the living room, Cain wheeled in beside the couch, locked his chair, and took a deep breath. He put one hand on the plush cushion and the other beside him on the seat of his chair and transferred his weight onto his leading and as he positioned himself onto the couch.

Once he was situated, he unlocked the chair and moved it out of the way.

He turned to Amara, “I’m not sure how much Benny has told you about the accident and the surgeries and everything that came after, but I have no movement in my legs,” he said softly, quietly. “I can feel things, usually, and my uh, equipment still works, but there are still a lot of things I’m struggling to deal with when it comes to all this.” 

“Benny’s told me a few things,” she said and bit her bottom lip, “And it’s understandable Cain,” she said.

“There are a lot of times that I don’t like to be touched below the waist. I-I get cranky and uncomfortable and embarrassed. Benny can attest to what a jerk I can be when I’m embarrassed, I-I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to..-” 

“Cain…” Benny started but Amara stopped him.

“What are you really wanting to say Cain?” she asked with quirked brow. 

“I don’t know what you guys are expecting from me but I-I want this,” he answered truthfully, closing his eyes and opening them again before he continued. “If you can understand that I’m not going to be...I’m not going to be the same as before, Ben, and for you Amara, I-there’s going to be a lot of days where I won’t want to be intimate.” 

Amara laughed a little, her hand reaching out to take Cain’s, “And that’s perfectly okay. I wasn’t attracted to what you had going on between your legs, no matter how much praise Benny threw towards you in that department,” Amara teased, “Sex is sex. It’s not the most important thing out there and there are plenty of other ways of being intimate that don’t involve intercourse,” she said with a shrug.

“We want this too Cain,” Benny said, wanting to add his own voice, “We’re not expecting anything, we just want to be with you. All three of us together,” he said.

“Okay,” he swallowed thickly, “Okay, then that’s what we’ll do.” 

Benny smiled at the man and squeezed at his hand, “So...what would you like to do today?” he asked.

Amara got up from where she was slightly sitting away from them and squeezed in behind Cain, helping him to scoot over a bit so she could drop her chin on his shoulder.

Cain smiled almost shyly at the level of affection being showered on him. It was small but it was there and felt amazing. He was still at war with himself that was screaming too much, too much but then there was Benny’s hand on his wrist that seemed to settle those loud voices.

“It’s okay cher, we’re here. And now you have two of us to temper your cranky ass,” Benny teased.

“You can set the rules, set your own boundaries, just like I did when Benny and I first got together. You can have a word or phrase you use when you don’t feel like being touched and we will content ourselves with just your company,” she answered with a grin. “I promise you, that would be enough.” 

Cain blinked a few times, looking between them before settling on looking up into Amara’s eyes. They were so dark in contrast to his own and Benny’s but still just as beautiful.

“You...you two had boundaries with each other?” Cain asked.

Benny snorted, “Cain...I was a fucking mess when she and I met. When things turned into a more romantic thing between us...it still took me a while to be intimate,” he said with a shrug.

“And I have my own issues that we can discuss at a later date, when they become relevant, but yes,  _ everyone _ has boundaries, love. And only those with serious character flaws would push the lines drawn out for them,” Amara added. “Though I will say that when you feel up to it, I would very much like you to kiss me. I have been told many stories of your famous kisses and I’ll admit, now that I’ve seen your lips I find myself…envious.” 

Cain flushed a bit and tried to hide behind his hands only to laugh as both Amara and Benny gently tugged them down.

“It’s true babe,” Benny chuckled, happy that he could call Cain this again. It had been a bad habit to break and now that he could without Cain flinching felt amazing.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got nothin on you though,” Cain said.

“Doubt it,” Benny shot back.

“Mmm yes, Benny does have a truly talented tongue,” Amara said with a loud laugh that echoed through the room as they joined in her hysterics. 

“Oh my God,” Cain snickered rubbing a hand down his face. He watched Amara laugh and felt something stir in his chest. Both her and Benny had moved closer, their bodies touching his own in some way. Benny still clutched at his wrist while Amara’s legs were pressed along his. It was everything and not enough all at the same time.

When the laughter dimmed a little he swallowed hard, “You uh...you don’t have to wait...if you don’t want to.”

“Oh? Just like that?” she teased, mischief dancing in her eyes. “And here I thought you were going to put up more of a fight.”

When he didn’t say anything just smiled at her, she continued, “Well, what are you waiting for handsome? My lips are right here.” 

Cain shook his head, the blush growing deeper. It had been a really long time since he last kissed someone and that someone was sitting on the other side of him. He stole a glance at Benny who was smiling softly and relaxed. Benny was okay with this, it was something that he wanted too. 

“I’m sorry if I suck at this...been awhile,” Cain said, laughing a little at himself as he shifted to face Amara more.

“Oh I think I’ll manage, as it happens, I’m quite the kisser myself.” 

Amara wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself a little closer, to make it more comfortable for both of them. “Shh, nothing to worry about. I promise. I’m going to close my eyes, you’re going to kiss me until you want to stop kissing me, then you can pull away and I’ll smile and tell you it was perfect, even if it wasn’t,” before she closed her eyes though, she grinned at him, “Don’t worry, if it’s truly awful, I could always teach you how to do it better.” 

Cain laughed softly and slowly leaned in, pressing his lips against Amara’s. It was soft, chaste and for one horrifying second Cain didn’t feel anything. Then Amara tilted her head just right and there it was, the zing that went straight through his entire body. Hell, he could feel it straight to his toes. Moaning softly in the back of his throat he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer as the kiss grew. It was warmth, home, and heaven all rolled into one.

Amara had never so fully been kissed by someone the first time. Not even Benny had taken the opportunity to explore her lips and taste her tongue when they first kissed. It was soft and sweet but full of passion she hadn’t felt in a while. 

When Cain finally pulled away, she gasped, but she remembered to smile and she breathed the word against his lips. “Perfect.” 

Cain ducked his face and huffed out a laugh. He was hoping that Amara wasn’t lying, just telling him that like she said she would.

“Damn cher,” Benny groaned. The way Cain had been so still, in the beginning, worried him for a moment until something snapped. Watching the two of them kiss like that eased something in Benny’s chest and overall it was hot. 

“No training necessary,” Amara grinned, wiping a bit of her smudged lipstick off Cain’s mouth. 

* * *

  
  


Those soft, almost innocent kisses progressed over the next month. Both Amara and Benny had been true to their word, letting him lead and being open to when he was against being touched. It was getting easier, their hands gentle on him and easing him back to not flinching when it came out of nowhere. 

After a few days of kissing Amara the first time, he had finally gotten his lips back on Benny. To which nearly short-circuited his brain. He never imagined getting to that point again but he was thankful every day for it. 

Cain glanced up from his laptop as his door slowly opened, revealing a happy, smiling Amara. She held up a bag of lunch and he nodded, telling the person rattling on over the phone that he would have to call them back. 

“You know, you don’t  _ have _ to play delivery girl,” Cain teased knowing full well Amara had dropped off some food for Benny as well at the shop.

“Well I  _ could _ but that costume is at home in my closet,” she teased, shaking her head at him. “I have about an hour before I need to go into work, want to share?”

“Of course I do, especially if there’s a burger with my name on it in there,” Cain said with a little laugh. Sure enough a tin foil wrapped burger and fries were placed on the table with that signature smirk of hers. He felt warm all over as he reached for her hand, pulling her down for a kiss. It still felt strange to be able to do this but he wouldn’t deny how  _ good _ it felt as well.

“Eat up, cause this isn’t  _ purely  _ a social call,” Amara said, shoving one of his fries into her mouth before grabbing her own from the bag. 

“Oh? What do I owe the pleasure of your company then?” Cain laughed before taking a huge bite out of his burger.

Amara waited until she emptied her mouth and she gave him a shy, nervous look while she chewed at her lip. It was a tough question but she thought it might be good for him and if she was being honest, both she and Benny wanted to share this with him. 

“Remember those sober events I was talking about? We’re having one tonight and I was hoping you’d come. Benny thought maybe it would be better to wait for the next one and if you don’t want to go I’ll completely understand but, but I think you would like it. Not to mention the fact that I’d really love the chance to show off my place.” 

Cain fought the urge to instantly decline the offer. Being in a bar could possibly set him back. He didn't know. None of them did. But should he waste away on the what ifs? He was stronger now and there wouldn't be alcohol within his reach, Benny and Amara wouldn't let him even if he tried. 

Cain took in a deep, steadying breath, “I-I would love to come,” he finally answered.

Amara saw his internal fight and she was proud of him for making what was obviously the difficult choice. Still, she didn’t want him to feel pressured. “I’m not going to lie, it makes me truly happy to hear you say that but you can change your mind whenever you want, no questions asked. I don’t want you to feel forced or uncomfortable.” 

She kissed softly at his temple before digging into her fries again. “It’s a theme party, by the way, hope you’ve still got your old leather in there.”

Cain quirked up a brow, “Theme? Leathers? This some kind of bdsm thing?” He chuckled softly.

“No, that’s for later,” she teased, but Cain just rolled his eyes at her. “It’s a greaser/pink lady party. I mean I’m totally down if you’d rather wear a poodle skirt but Benny mentioned you looked great in leather soo…” 

Cain snorted, his face flushing at her other comment about  _ later _ , “Yeah, I have some stuff hiding in the closet. And what about you? You gonna wear a poodle skirt?” he asked.

“Please,” she grinned. “I would look adorable in a poodle skirt, but no...I’ll be wearing a white T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up and some paint me on jeans. You’ll love it.” 

“Mmm, that sounds hot,” Cain grinned looking Amara up and down. It’s been happening more often than not now but there was a stirring in his gut as he envisioned her in that outfit, “You gonna wear those heels of yours?” he asked giving her a leer.

“I could be convinced,” she chuckled, “I have a real nice set of strappy red ones, but I’ll be honest...they’ll wind up under the bar about an hour into my shift.” 

“I bet you’d look sexy in a pair of sneakers,” Cain grinned, “How much longer do you have before you have to leave me?”

“How much longer do you need?” Amara gave him a sinful smirk. She moved closer until she was standing in front of him, and dropped to her knees. “Anything I can do for you?”

Cain’s breath hitched in his chest. A million images played in his mind but the one that halted was one completely different then what seemed to be playing out. He took Amara’s hand and tugged until she was standing. Together they went into the family room where he could maneuver himself onto the couch and then pulled her onto his lap where she was straddling him, “I need and want all the time I can have with you,” he said softly, knowing perfectly well just how cheesy it sounded. It was true though. 

“Well then I guess it wouldn’t kill me to be a little late,” she answered softly, feeling the sincerity of his words made it hard for her to breathe. “Tell me what you want love and I’ll make it happen.” 

Cain swallowed hard and pulled her closer until her chest was pressed flush against his. She was a calming weight on his lap and it felt like heaven having her there. He took his time dragging his hands up the sides of her legs, her jeans soft to his touch. He finally managed to look up in her face once he placed his hands on hips, “I-I’d like to touch you….if that’s okay,” he said softly.

She smiled at him, always so giving, of course that’s what he wanted. 

“I think I’d enjoy that very much,” she said, kissing softly at his lips.

* * *

“Mmm, that was amazing,” Amara sighed, lifting her heavy head off Cain's shoulder to straighten herself up a bit. She was a mess now, and it was all his fault. Something told her he wasn’t even a little sorry to see her that way. Chuckling she stood up on wobbly legs and turned to him with a grin and said, “I’m going to go look through your closet to see if there’s anything I can do to salvage my current appearance and you’re going to get that ridiculously smug grin off your face before I come back.” 

“Can't help it babe,” Cain said, his smile growing a bit more sheepish as he ducked his head down. 

“Unh huh,” she said, shaking her head before she stepped away and moved toward his closet. Cain had recently invested in some dress shirts which would be perfect if she could find a belt to use. Once she cleaned herself up, Amara slipped into a cream colored, pinstriped thing and gathered it at her waist with a thick brown belt. It was a little short for what she preferred in public, but it wasn’t indecent. Though she would need to hope that the wind was in her favor until she reached the bar where she could actually change into her planned outfit. 

When she came walking back out of his bedroom, she felt much more put together, “I’m going to head out unless you need anything else.” 

“Ungh, you look amazing,” he said with a groan. Holding out his arms she came easily and he almost got her back on his lap, “I don't need anything,” he laughed softly, puckering his lips for a kiss.

“You sure? I can see if Benny has time to stop by after he gets done at the garage,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows playfully. 

Cain huffed, “Maybe?” he said. If he were being truly honest with himself, he didn't want to be alone. If he could, he'd wrap around Amara and keep her right there on his lap. Having Benny there would be just as amazing.

She glanced down at him as she reached for her bag and something tightened in her chest. He was smiling, but it didn’t reach his eyes and there was something else hidden there. She sat down beside him and truly looked at him. Amara took his hand in hers and squeezed softly. “What do you need?” 

“I'm okay…just don't wanna be alone right now,” he said shaking his head. He took up Amara's hand and kissed the inside of her wrist, “I'll be okay, promise.”

“If you don’t want to be alone, love...then you won’t be alone,” Amara answered shaking her head at him, snuggling closer. After a few moments she sent a text to the kids tending the dry bar that said she’d be a little late, and another to Benny. 

_ Get your gorgeous ass over here, you’re missing out on the cuddle session  _ >>Amara

She attached a photo of her leaned in against Cain’s side on the couch to draw him in further, not that she needed the help. Benny was a slut for cuddles and Amara had his number from day one. 

_ Count me in. Be there soon. He doin okay? >> _ Benny

Cain smiled and hugged Amara in tight, nuzzling his face against her chest. Knowing Benny would be there soon had the growing ache in his chest melt a little.

_ He’ll be fine, just come home.  _ >>Amara

She kissed at the top of his head and smiled, the thick black hair felt amazing in her hands. “You should let me do something with this sometime. Not that it doesn’t look gorgeous now but, I know stylists that would pay  _ you _ to get their hands on it.” 

Cain laughed, “Yeah? And what would you do with it hm?” he asked trailing his fingers up and down her back. They settled more against the couch, getting more comfortable.

“Honestly? I don’t know, but I would enjoy playing with it for a bit,” Amara answered, her fingers scratched softly at his scalp as she played with the soft, full fist of hair she gathered in her hand. 

“I wouldn’t mind that at all. I love having my hair played with,” Cain hummed softly, “I even let Benny braid it a few times,” he confessed with a quiet chuckle. It was then he could hear the roar of Benny’s truck, the noise of it quite muted in the apartment but Cain could pick out that sound easily.

“Now that I would love to see,” Amara answered, stroking her fingers through it again. “Something about watching you two take care of one another, I don’t know what it is but it leaves me breathless, love.” 

Cain blushed a little, his head perking up a little when Benny let himself into the apartment. Soon the room was filled with the overall presence that was Benny Lafitte. His scent reaching Cain’s nose and making him sigh softly.

“Mmm, well, don’t you two look cozy,” Benny smiled dropping his stuff near the door. He needed to shower, his arms still a little black from the engine he’d been working on all morning. Closing the distance between them, he bent down to first press a kiss to Cain’s lips then Amara’s. Wanting nothing more than to wrap them both up in his arms.

“You two patient enough for me to shower?” Benny asked.

“I suppose we’ll have to be,” Amara answered, though she did enjoy Benny straight in from work. It wasn’t time for that though, Cain clearly needed something different and she was happy to see him get whatever that was. “Do hurry though.” 

“I will,” Benny said and kissed them both again. He rushed into the ensuite bathroom off Cain’s bedroom and threw off his clothes. He’d clean it later. The needy look in Cain’s eyes paired with Amara’s demand for speed had a small ache growing in his chest. Cain had been having so many good days lately, he didn’t want to see his poor boyfriend spiraling down. It was inevitable and they would help him through it of course, didn’t stop the want for his boyfriend to be left alone of his inner demons.

Cursing softly at the stubborn oil he finally deemed himself clean enough to cuddle and quickly got out, dried off and redressed in some comfortable pajamas. He had the outfit he was going to wear later that night at the bar but now wondered if they were going to stay the night with Cain instead. They would discuss it later, for now, Cain needed them.

When he came back out in the family room the two of them were still on the couch but this time Cain was frowning, staring down at his legs. Amara was still perched on his lap, a clear look of worry etched on her face.

“Everythin okay?” he asked quietly, not wanting to startle Cain.

Cain nodded slowly, forcing something of a smile on his face as he shrugged, “Just...I can’t feel her on my lap now,” he said quietly.

“Here, let’s try this,” she said, bringing his arms around behind her as she shimmied a little closer. It wasn’t likely to change what feeling he was missing in his legs but Amara hoped that it would ease the ache away if she was tangible in his grip, with his hands on her, his arms holding her tightly. “I’m here, love. I’m here.” 

“I know...I just,” Cain shook his head and laughed. It had been such a good day up until his mood dived south. There was warmth at his side and a prickly kiss pressed against his cheek that he couldn’t help pressing into.

“We know baby,” Benny whispered, scooting as close as he could to cuddle against them. There was a blanket that was just big enough to cover the three of them that he threw over their bodies and soon the warmth was all around them.

“What can we do?” Benny asked running his fingers through Cain’s hair as Amara was doing.

Cain got overwhelmed for all of three seconds before he just... _ melted.  _ Amara was still on his lap and even though he couldn’t exactly feel it, the pressure was still there. His hair was being played with by two separate hands and God if that didn’t feel like heaven right there. He let his head fall back with a soft moan and this time, his smile was genuine.

“This, just this,” he whispered.

* * *

  
  



End file.
